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Orickle Announces 13G - Promises DB3 LUW Enablement

February 2, 2010, 2:00 am
Posted by Scott in General
29 Jan, 2010 - Redrock Shores, CA. In late breaking news today, Orickle announced preliminary plans for the next version of its world dominating database 13G. Version 13G will include new features such as DB3 LUW Enablement and nano compression. A senior Orickle executive who requested anonymity said "We skipped 12 because 13 is a lucky number, and 'G' now stands for Global domination. We lost some serious market share to DB3 9.7 but we believe we can win global database dominance back with our superior marketing, sales, and negotiation tactics." Continued...
When asked about the new nano compression, the Orickle executive boastfully advised "Nano compression culminates years of research. We took a beating when the I've Been Moved company cut the storage requirements of our databases in half, but with new nano compression it will actually be possible to store terabytes of information in air particles - the only requirement is that the air be within a two mile radius of our new Titanic Server Machine." After pounding his chest he continued "Imagine - no disk drives, no energy consumed by storage, and virtually limitless capacity to store infinite quantities of blogs, tweets, feeds, maps, videos, music, XML, records, clothes, household items, business information, and dirty socks!"

Sam Paletino from the I've Been Moved company wasted no time in offering a response to the Orickle announcement. "Orickle is real good at marketing, but DB5 will blow the doors off 13G" he said.


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